wow, what a week. first of all, glad to know that maine still exists after the big storm! everyone was asking me if i was from new york, and when i told them that i was from the atlantic coast, they all started panicking and saying that i might not have a home to go back to. luckily, i know chileans and how they tend to exaggerate...and i also felt a calm reassurance that everything would be ok. glad to know that i was right, and that you are all safe and sound!
on thursday hna del castillo and i went to my old sector in temuco to spend the night, because we had a conference with elder arnold (of the 70/area president!) early friday morning.
on thursday night, i got to direct the choir practice...yep, i was asked to prepare the musical number for an apostle! it was pretty nerve-wracking. not to mention I SANG A SOLO!!! i never thought i would do something like that, but i had to do it...i HAD to overcome the fear. and i did it :) we sang "nearer, my god, to thee" in spanish, but i sang the first verse solo in english. it all turned out really pretty, and brought a great spirit to the meeting.
from the conference, more than anything i felt a great LOVE from my heavenly father. i had come to the conference with several issues that i was unsure of how to resolve. i had prayed to know if i was doing enough, and if the lord was pleased with my effort, and i received a resounding "YES". of course, i have a million things still to work on, and i learned a lot from e. arnold in ways that i can put into practice to improve, but god knew that, more than anything, i needed reassurance. and because he loves me, i was able to feel it.
in the days that followed, however, i was faced with the greatest trials that i have seen in my mission. i prayed and prayed and prayed for help, and did everything i knew how to try and resolve the situation.i felt alone. i felt rejected. i felt helpless. i felt weak. but of course, god had never left my side. i was reminded of the sacred experience of the prophet, joseph smith::
15 After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction.
16 But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction—not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being—just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.
17 It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!
as i ponder the experience of joseph, it calls my attention that his greatest trial came when he was being the most righteous - he was in the very act of praying to god to know which of all the churches was true, with a sincere desire to do the will of god. as he did so, he was surrounded by affliction, and attacked physically and mentally. next, it stands out to me that it was "in the very moment" when he thought he couldn´t take any more, in the moment of "great alarm" when he was ready to surrender completely to the enemy, it was THEN that the light of god rested upon him-it was until then that he was delivered, and received the glory of god the father and jesus christ.
i don`t mean to say that i went through an experience anywhere near as intense as the prophet, but rather that in reflecting on his experience, i was reminded of a powerful example of patience, perserverance, and faith. recently, when i was going through some of the darkest moments of my mission experience, even at the very moment of throwing in the towel because i´d done everything i was capable of doing, it was then that the lord made himself known to me, and answered my prayers, not because he´d been neglecting me before, but because i needed to learn. i needed to depend on him. i needed to be humble and accept the help of others. i needed to be vulnerable. and he gave me peace. he put others in my path to console and advise me. he filled my heart with sincere love and the ability to forgive. he changed my heart, and i found myself delivered.
i know from personal experience that, as it says in 2 nephi 26:15," the prayers of the faithful shall be heard" and as in joel 2:32, "whosever shall call on the name of the lord shall be delivered."
i am happy, hopeful, and prepared to face whatever comes along in the next (LAST!) 6 months of my mission. i know that whatever trial i am faced with will help me to be better prepared spiritually for when christ comes once again to the earth. i know that if i submit my will to the father and am obedient in all things, i will be able to have peace in the second coming and in his presence in the eternities: which is my greatest desire for not only myself, but every one that i meet.
i love you all, and hope that we can all trust that the lord is caring for us, and that he loves us individually and unconditionally.
hermana wright :)
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